Letting Go

I learned a hard lesson last night.  It was a lesson that I needed to realize and it was a lesson that God had been trying to tell me all along.  I had some fear on giving up what I needed to give up, but I talked it through with God and now I feel at peace.

It all started when I was fourteen. I had read Melody Carlson's Becoming Me, one book of five in Caitlin's story of the Diary of a Teenage Girl series.  In the end of the book, the main character (Caitlin) had chosen to give up dating.  I felt convicted to do the same, so I chose not to date in high school.  I told God that I won't date until college as long as He will lead me to the right man for me.  It felt like the right decision for me, and I stuck through it.

College changed my perspective on dating.  Even though I had chosen to attend a Christian school, my mind easily became distracted with the thought of meeting "the one" and dating.  I can't tell you how many times I looked at a guy I met and wondered if he was going to be the man God wants me to be with.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wondering who is going to be your spouse, but what I am saying is that it became too much part of my thoughts.

Reality hit me when I began watching videos on YouTube, videos that showed kids' reactions to surprise trips to Disney and proposals that took place in the parks.  I stumbled upon one Disney proposal video I had seen a long time ago.  It was the sweetest video and had one of the best "love stories" I ever heard.  The couple had chosen to let God take care of their relationship.  As a result, they found happiness in each other.  As I watched this video, I realized that this is something God wants for me.  He's trying to tell me to let go and let Him take control.  I need to stop worrying about getting into a relationship.  I need to stop trying to take care of things myself.  Instead, I need to let God write my love story and let Him lead me in life.

So I prayed for something hard.  I gave up dating again.  I asked God to purify my heart again and to send me my best friend according to His time and not mine.  I asked for guidance as I learn to put Him first.  I even asked Him to take care of my future husband while I wait for the right time to meet him.

Instead of focusing on dating, I'm challenging myself to focus on God.  This is what Southern Afternoon is going to be for.  I'm hoping to be consistent with my devotions and to begin reading the Bible, blogging about my experiences, thoughts, and feelings.  One day I hope to give my courtship story, but no longer do I want to focus on that.  I do not want my thoughts to be consumed with thoughts of relatioships and courtships.  Rather, I want to find God again and to discover His glory.

Pray for me as I begin my journey in discovering God, in becoming a virtuous woman.